being weak in order to be strong

monique aislabie

This weekend I’m catsitting for a friend and using the opportunity to have some much needed time away from the kids and getting back to myself. I can’t even remember the last time I was by myself 🤔
As a full time Mama with two kids I don’t often have the space to think my own thoughts let alone process my feelings or emotions. I’m always so busy running from one task to the another and keeping all of the balls in the air. Which means my own personal baggage that hasn’t been dealt over the years starts to pile up and becomes too overwhelming to even start unpacking. I not only don’t have time to stop and feel it, I also don’t have time to let it weaken me – who will look after the kids if I’m overwhelmed with my own emotions for more than half a day? 

Then there is the dreaded parent guilt which always creeps up on me. This is a little voice in my head that says “Your being selfish and a bad parent if you want to take three whole days to be by yourself”. Which is ridiculous !!! Fuck you parent guilt !!! Of course I need to take time out to check in with myself, to feel things, to cry, to freak out, to write, to draw, to be alone, to be quiet, to be me and only me and nothing more. Allowing myself to be weak in order to be strong again is not easy, but I’m learning.